Psychotherapy is for "Crazy people" - or is it?

Psychotherapy is for “Crazy People” – or is it?

Although many of Sigmund Freud’s theoretical ideas have since been debunked or altered in significant ways since his lifetime, one the ideas of his that I find still relevant today is the idea of defense mechanisms. I say this because I see them emerge all the time in my psychological practice. Defense mechanisms operate at an unconscious level and help ward off unpleasant feelings (i.e. anxiety) for the individual. Freud’s original list included such defenses as projection, regression, displacement, and denial. (More have been added since his time!)  It’s important to note that even healthy people use different defenses throughout life. For instance, sublimation can be useful. Sublimation is turning an uncomfortable feeling into something acceptable – like turning aggression into boxing or marathon training. It can be an adaptive response to an uncomfortable feeling. A defense mechanism becomes pathological only when its persistent use leads to maladaptive behavior such that the physical or mental health of the individual is adversely affected. For example, an individual who experiences social anxiety may avoid so many social situations that her/his ability to engage in normal adult behavior becomes compromised. Perhaps the individual has dreams and goals for his/her life but can never take the steps toward their fruition, leaving them feeling stuck and depressed. One of the defense mechanisms I most often see is that of Withdrawal – or what I like to call avoidance. Withdrawal entails removing oneself from events, stimuli, and interactions to avoid being reminded of painful thoughts and feelings. The common stigma attached to psychotherapy is that it’s for “crazy folks.” Or that it’s an endeavor only to be pursued for “weak” people. On the contrary, pursuing and committing to the process of psychotherapy actually takes a lot of courage and has consistently been shown to result in greater psychological health and more contented human beings. Believing that therapy is only for weak or crazy people is actually a perfect example of a defense mechanism – it’s finding a very creative way to avoid an uncomfortable situation BECAUSE of the difficult feelings that can emerge with authentic self-reflection.  Once an individual begins therapy, it’s also not uncommon to see missed or cancelled sessions (always for VERY good reasons, mind you!) or discussing safe topics and avoiding the more difficult ones.  The human being is very creative and often committed to avoiding the very thing that needs to be addressed. Hopefully, with the assistance of a safe and genuine psychologist, people can overcome humanity’s natural tendency toward avoidance and face their pain (or difficult feelings), allowing themselves to experience greater freedom and healing.

 

 

Normal Grief

Normal or common grief begins soon after a loss and symptoms go away over time. During normal grief, the bereaved person moves toward accepting the loss and is able to continue normal day-to-day life even though it is hard to do. Common grief reactions include things like emotional numbness, shock, disbelief, or denial. When this occurs, the individual may feel like they’re not thinking clearly or feel like they’re in a dream-like state. Another reaction usually includes anxiety over being separated from the loved one. The bereaved may wish to bring the person back and become lost in thoughts of the deceased. Additionally, images of death may occur often in the person’s everyday thoughts and it’s not uncommon to feel extremely occupied by the loss. One of the most difficult aspects of loss is the distress that leads to crying; sighing; having dreams, illusions, and hallucinations of the deceased; and looking for places or things that were shared with the deceased. Individuals in grief sometimes feel like they see the person they lost out in public…or may feel like there are constant reminders of the loss no matter where they go. Anger is also a common reaction to loss. Depending on the type of loss, the individual in bereavement may feel their anger is irrational – but it’s not. The person may feel angry at themselves, at the deceased, or at various aspects of the loss. This is common! And finally, there will be periods of sadness, loss of sleep, loss of appetite, extreme tiredness, guilt, and loss of interest in life. Day-to-day living may be affected. In normal grief, symptoms will occur less often and will feel less severe as time passes. Recovery does not happen in a set period of time. For most bereaved people having normal grief, symptoms lessen between 6 months and 2 years after the loss.

Some Things to Expect with Grief

Many bereaved people will have grief bursts or pangs. Grief bursts or pangs are short periods (20-30 minutes) of very intense distress. Sometimes these bursts are caused by reminders of the deceased person. At other times they seem to happen for no reason. It’s important to remember that these bursts of grief are UNPREDICTABLE, which is one of the most difficult aspects for most individuals. Most of us tend to enjoy the fact that we feel in control of our emotions and lives so when things happen that are unpredictable, it can feel very disturbing and difficult to tolerate. However, allowing yourself to endure these distressed episodes, will eventually get us through them.